6.29.2011

recession, depression: what's the difference

when i find myself in the dumps i think of this piece of common advice "it could be worse". it makes me look at other peoples lives (at the things i don't want and am thankful i don't have), and i dig up some gratefulness at how my life is. i eventually get over my depression and move on. 90% of the time i am blissfully happy with living, even if i do take a pessimistic view of things.

but, lately, when i start looking at other people i've begun to also look at those whose lives seem better. it's not that i want their lives any more than i wanted the others. but it makes me look into that greeting card advice and confront it. is it so wrong to want a little more than your lot in life? not to change that which you have and are, but just a little something that can make it better?

all i want is a job i enjoy, one that pays the bills and gives me time to do my artwork, and one that lets me do a bit of traveling each year. i don't want to own a home, drive an expensive car, have a room full of clothes, eat out every night, or change much about my life. i just want to be able to go to the doctor when i need to and it not to cost me a two week paycheck to do so, i want to be able to put money aside for retirement, i don't want to have to worry about a drive to work representing 20% of that days pay going for the gas to get there.

right now, i don't understand how i got to this point in my life. i'm not whining, i'm not jealous of other people, i'm not saying life is unfair, it's just that i've begun to worry if it's going to get any better.

2 comments:

avinash said...

hey anastasia, this is avinash -very very far from you;in india. before i start to comment on your post i would like to introduce myself to you-don't worry i would not bore you,just one sentence.i am also an artist and my condition is worse than your's(haven't i told you i am in india);getting two meals a day is as difficult as winning a race with only one leg. now, have you ever wondered what is the root cause of all all our problems,have you ever thought why there is so much chaos in our lives;the only reason for it is we are not sure what we want in our lives.the things that have been realized-no matter how small or how big are not important,what is important is what we want next.anastasia,never say "i don't want anything big",never. a very big philosopher has said that the greatness of a man lies not in what he has achieved but in what he wants to achieve.one more thing never look into other people's lives;no one is happy, no matter how much they smile.if you have to look always look inside your heart and at any cost follow it's instructions.always introspect and try to find out what is lacking in you and not in others.lastly, one more thing i had no intention to bore you,but after reading your post-i don't know from where i had an inkling that we can become friends(not the physical ones:the spiritual ones)because we are both suffering from the same disease;artistic pursuit and more or less think in the same way.any way, good bye for now, write to me if you have time( i am waiting)
your fan,
avinash

house of hink said...

big hug!!