life outside of the pixel

i've been a bit absent lately, and am likely to be for awhile; my father is in the hospital, and we've been there everyday since, so not much time for art or blogging. he's getting better each day, thankfully, but it's difficult to see your parent as vulnerable, in pain, or not coping well with what is happening to them. i have time on my hands while sitting with my father, but the energies aren't right there, i don't feel like being at all creative.

for the most part i do not like change, i fight it, and even though i give in eventually it's never without a touch of regret. so often change is paired with fear; fear of the unknown, fear that it could be worse. i do not like the change this surgery is brining to my world. though, logically i know it was necessary, emotionally i all too often imagine the worse that can happen, so i keep looking for it, wondering in what shape it will arrive. fear and worry are my bedfellows, with panic for a pillow.


yahaira said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope your father is healing up. It's awful seeing a parent get sick, but don't hang on to your fears and worries. cherish the moments you're sharing with him right now.

anastasia said...

it's getting easier during the day to be optimistic, it's mostly at night that the terrors seem more real and become viable things to dwell on. thank you for the good thoughts boost, though, it helps!